At the moment, I am engaged in mortal combat with the deadliest of enemies - the German government. Like any other great monolithic bureaucracy, the German government thrives on paperwork and I am convinced that German civil servants get a sexual thrill out of saying "we'll get that paperwork in the post to you and you send it right back to us!". But now that Skype has faxing capabilities with PamFax, I am speeding the process up by faxing stuff to them instead.

The only downside to PamFax is that you can't have stuff faxed back to you. So I am currently on the hunt for a good online fax service that allows me to receive faxes. Doe anyone have any suggestions?

PamFax has a very simple plain interface where you select a file from your computer to fax and then when you enter the recipient phone number and send it, the cost of the fax is deducted from your Skype credit. Easy to use and perfect for small businesses if you need to fax over a signed contract to someone for example. It integrates nicely into Skype and is very easy to set up.

As more and more of my writing gets published on the web, and my website URL gets spread around, more and more people are finding my Skype username and ask to be added to my contact list. This is becoming more and more common, and although I welcome all visitors and all conversations, there simply isn't the time in the day to chat to everyone and give them the time they deserve. Skype is a delicate balancing act to follow in that you want contacts & conversation but on the other hand, you have to subtly and diplomatically say to them sometimes that you need to go, that you have work to do, that it's nothing personal.....inevitably some people get upset such as the countless Chinese people wanting free English lessons for example.

So here are my Skype rules for your edification (and perhaps amusement). Perhaps other Skype users can identify with some of these. It's a pity things have come to this but there you go. That's the nature of the internet for you.

1. Before getting in touch, check my status message. If it says AWAY or NOT AVAILABLE then that means I am away from the computer and therefore unable to respond to your many messages asking "WHERE ARE YOU? WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER ME? YOU'RE SO ANTI-SOCIAL!". Hey, if I'm at Aldi buying my food shopping, how am I supposed to answer my Skype calls and chats? ESP? If I am sitting on the toilet reading the newspaper, am I supposed to get an internet connection set up in the bathroom so you don't have to wait? Status messages are there for a reason!!

2. By the same token, "DO NOT DISTURB" means I am in a situation where I can't answer because I have to concentrate on something or I have visitors or I am on the phone. That means Skype will hold all my messages until I indicate I am back. Again, don't start ranting because I don't answer you within 10 seconds.

3. If I am offline, then I am probably in bed and again unable to answer you. I really have to sleep at night. Don't take it personally.

4. If I am slow to respond or I have to go, again please don't take it personally. I do have other things to do. I have work and personal projects / obligations. Plus family and friends. Plus I do like to go outside every once in a while. If I suddenly go, I'll be back later. Count on it.

5. Anyone wanting free English lessons shouldn't contact me. As a professional English tutor, why should I shoot myself in the foot by giving away my services for free? Would you expect a plumber to fix your washing machine for free or a lawyer to defend you for free? There isn't any difference with an English tutor! If you want paid Skype English lessons then fantastic! But don't expect a 2 hour phone call for free. I just won't do it (unless you're a good pal of mine).

6. If requesting to be added to my contact list, please explain who you are, where you heard of me and why you want to be added to my contact list. Until you do that, I don't know if you are a lovely or a loonie. I don't understand people who send anonymous authorisation requests! Am I supposed to rub my crystal ball and suddenly be presented with your life history?

7. If leaving messages on my voicemail, please keep the message succinct - name, contact number and reason for calling. Please don't start reading War & Peace over the line. Any message that lasts longer than 2 minutes gets deleted at the 120 second mark.

8. I won't accept file transfers via Skype unless a) I know you and trust you or b) you tell me what the file is first and why I should accept it.

9. All my Skype calls are recorded in MP3 format and all my chats are logged permanently. So remember that before you start cursing me and giving me a hard time because you disagree with something I wrote. All MP3 calls and logged chats are admissable as evidence in court! I have a very thick skin (you have to be as a writer) but I won't accept outright abuse, death threats (yes, I've had quite a few in my time) and threats to come round to my house "for a little visit". When that starts, I start logging IP addresses and collating the evidence for the police. And I do press charges if necessary.

10. Don't try to scam me on Skype as I've heard it all before and I have a great, well-developed BS detector. You'd be amazed (or perhaps not) at how many "Nigerian princes" and "jailed dissidents" get in touch wanting me to get their money out of the country in return for a "fee". The "jailed dissidents" still haven't been able to answer how they can Skype me from inside prison!


So that's about it.

As well as writing for MakeUseOf.com, I have also now written a short piece for ReadWriteWeb, which is another of my favourite websites / blogs. I am hoping to persuade the editor to let me write some more pieces on Skype as that is one of my most favourite computer applications (when it is not crashing down around my ears!).

Here is the article in question.

This morning I set up a second Skype account and I added my main ID (camelot2302) to the new Skype account. So I was basically sending an authorisation request to myself to add myself to my account. This is the window my new account received.

Notice the yellow message underneath! That just cracked me up. I haven't seen it before either (I approved or declined a few authorisation requests yesterday and that yellow warning message wasn't there).

Would I want someone like me to contact me? I don't know. That is one weird unnerving eye looking at me!

The benefits of setting up a second account can be many. For a start, you can use a second account as a security precaution to check up on your home while you're away. This has been blogged about before but of course Murphy's Law dictates that I can't find those blog posts now that I need them. I vaguely remember someone at eBay blogging about it but I'll be damned if I can find it now.

Anyway, what you do is this - set up your second account (in the options panel) to answer calls automatically and make sure your webcam is switched on and obviously it goes without saying that your computer needs to be on (!). Then when you're away and you want to check up on things at home, use your main account to call your second account. When the call goes through, the second account answers automatically, the webcam kicks in and bingo, you have a security camera with which to see if a burglar is rifling through your drawers (ooh-er missus!).

The guy at eBay who originally blogged about this also had his PC speakers switched on so he was able to call to his dog who was in the room. So you can also use this second account method to harass poor animals too!

Oh and you can also use a second account to initially talk to people whom you don't quite trust yet with your main Skype account. Then when you're convinced they're not a lunatic stalker who will hound your life forever, you can move them over to your main Skype account for further contact.

Sometimes it pays to be paranoid - sometimes they really are out to get you!

** This blog post has been edited since it was first published earlier today **

update : 13.25 - after discussing the issue further with Peter Kalmstrom, he has made me realise that I am confusing the toolbar with the extension. So I have updated the post accordingly. Apologies for the confusion.

update : 14.05 - it appears I may have to uninstall the extension! After 15 minutes of running, my Firefox browser is hovering around 50% of CPU usage (at one point, it shot up to 81%!). It hasn't been like this since I uninstalled the toolbar. I have informed Peter at Skype and he is looking into the situation. I'll update the blog post if I learn anything new.


I previously commented that my Firefox browser was crashing due to a crappy Skype toolbar and so I had to uninstall it to rescue my Fox. It looks like the blog post quickly came to the attention of the right people because this morning, I received a Skype chat message from Peter Kalmstrom who is the Skype manager for toolbars. He and the German Skype forum moderator, Claudius Henrichs, both informed me that the Skype toolbar is not a Firefox feature that automatically updates and that you have to manually update it yourself. Not manually updating the Skype toolbar, it appears, can cause some compatibility problems!

It seems you can update the toolbar in the following ways :

1. From the menu of the toolbar - there is an option there to check for newer versions.

2. By downloading and installing the latest version from the website.


This begs the question why the Skype toolbar is not automatically updated by Firefox (just like most other FF features). I mean, if you're busy, who remembers on a regular basis to update everything? Mr Kalmstrom replied that this is because "we have not done it strictly according to the FireFox framework". OK but why is this fact not widely advertised on the Skype website / forum? I wonder how many Skype users uninstalled the toolbar in disgust, not realising that the problems they were experiencing could easily be removed by manually updating the toolbar? If you don't openly advertise this issue then no-one will ever know - all it takes is a short message on the Skype download page, something along the lines of "please be aware that when you upgrade your Skype program, it's a good idea to upgrade the toolbar too". One sentence that could remove headaches from a lot of annoyed Skype toolbar / Firefox users!

So if your Skype toolbar is playing up, you can update it using one of the two methods outlined above. Or instead you can install the alternative Skype Firefox extension. If you would prefer the extension, here's what to do. I did the following and it appears to be OK so far....(fingers crossed).

1. Download the latest version of Skype from the Skype website.

2. When it is downloaded, run the "Skypesetup.exe" file. The following window will open. Click on "options"



3. Then this next window will open. Make sure the box "Install Skype Plugin for Mozilla Firefox" is ticked (or the Internet Exploder one if you use that.....uuurgh!). Then click "install".




4. The Skype program will then be re-installed on your computer along with the current version of the Firefox extension. But a warning - doing this install will require a re-boot of your computer! So make sure you're not in the middle of anything important when you're doing this!


Kudos to Skype for taking the time and effort to help me out with this toolbar issue. They really do look after their users.

So if your Firefox is doing a dying swan act everytime you open it (and you also have the Skype toolbar), you now know who the culprit is!

I am really pissed off because that was one of my favourite extensions!

The audio files that come with Skype to make its sound effects are not too bad (better than Yahoo Messenger's anyway with that really irritating "YYYAAAHHHHOOOO!" rodeo sound) but still I wanted to change my Skype sounds a little. I wanted a more normal sounding ringtone plus I wanted a few catchy sounds for incoming chat messages, failed file transfers and so on.

I came across this site today and it has a selection of interesting sounds in "wmv" format which you can use for Skype. I now have a flushing toilet noise for anything that goes wrong (failed file transfers for example), I have a sci-fi "ka-pow!" noise for incoming messages and I have the trumpets playing for when I log on and off.

If you don't like what's on offer on that page, you can also just Google what you are looking for. So if you are looking for say a dog barking, you can search for something like "bark.wmv". A duck quacking might be found as "duck.wmv" or "quack.wmv". Normally you can easily find free audio files via Google as there are a lot of websites which are basically just huge online warehouses of free audio files in both "wmv" format and "mp3" format. Fan sites such as South Park Studios have their own downloadable South Park sounds section (I used to have Cartman screaming at me when someone called me on Skype!) and many other TV programmes also have fan websites with free sounds you can use for Skype.

It's easy to change your sounds on your Skype program. Just go to your options panel and choose "notifications" then the "sounds" sub-tab. Then at the bottom, it says "import your own sounds". Click on that and upload the relevant sound file from your computer. Then go to the panel above that, choose the action you want to change (such as "ring-tone") and if you drop down the menu to the right, you should see the sound file you just uploaded. Choose that file with your mouse then press "save". Before saving, you can preview the sound to make sure it works properly.

I am thinking of using Audacity and a microphone to make my own personal sounds. I'll keep you updated on that little project if I ever get it going.

On my trip to Scotland in April, I wanted to take Skype along with me so I could check voicemail & chat messages while surfing the net on my dad's laptop. Since there is no official portable USB version of Skype, anyone wishing to carry "Skype On A Stick" needs to make a few tweaks here and there. The good news is that it is easier than you might think to achieve this. In fact, it's child's play which is really good news for a techno doof like me.

First, go into the Skype folder on your computer and look for skype.exe. Normally it is in the "phone" folder. Now right-click on that skype.exe file and copy it to a folder on your USB stick (you can create a directory folder called "SkypeUSB" or something similar). Note, I said "copy" and not "move"! You have to keep the original "skype.exe" file in its usual place for Skype to work normally on your computer.

Now within the SkypeUSB folder on your USB stick (next to your copied skype.exe), create another directory folder called "data" (without the speech marks). Next, using Microsoft Notepad, open a new text file and name it "skype.bat" (again, without the speech marks). Inside this text file, write the following line and then save the document : skype.exe /datapath:"Data" /removable . Once saved, place this text file inside the "data" folder you just created. And then you're done.

Clicking on skype.exe on your USB flash-drive will now run Skype portably without the need to properly install it on the computer you are using. You can log on, make phone calls, start chats, etc just as you would with any regular Skype installation. Even if the computer you're using already has Skype installed and running under another username, you can still run your USB version without the two programs conflicting with one another.

This portable method of Skype works perfectly for me. I plugged the USB stick into an internet cafe computer (despite the cafe owner looking at me worriedly) and Skype instantly booted up.

Just remember to pack your Skype phone or headset and you can make calls at will!

As well as a writer, editor and computer / internet geek, I also occasionally do English teaching to Germans (preferably blue-eyed blondes with pigtails called Heidi but beggars can't be choosers!). But for some reason, I am averse to having people come round to my place and this causes problems when you're trying to build a private tuition empire. They want to come round to your place because they don't want you to know where they live (you never know, I might be the mad homicidal axe-man teacher!) and they don't want to meet in cafes because it is noisy, crowded and they end up with the coffee bill.

But the problem is I don't want them to come round to my place either. First of all, I am extremely protective of my "private space". Second, the flat is normally a messy unorganised place with stacks of books, papers, unorganised stamp collections, remains of lunch sitting in the kitchen area and I am not an enthusiast of dusting the shelves on a regular basis. Oh and let's not forget that in the summer it's not really professional to meet students while I am wearing very little clothing and drinking a cool beer! So if someone was coming around here for English lessons, I would have to get dressed properly, perhaps have a shave, clean the flat up, move the Playboy magazines and the beer.......as you can imagine, I am not really inclined to do that too often.

So for over a year, I did another job and I thought my teaching days were over. But then I realised that with the internet, students don't have to come around here and I don't have to go to them. They can be taught online. I sit in my messy hovel and they sit in theirs and never the twain shall meet. Hell, we don't even have to be in the same country.

I am a huge enthusiast of Skype and I try to use it as often as possible for my phone calls. Skype also has a built-in chat function. So that got me thinking. I could advertise to non-native speakers all over the world and if they download Skype, I could teach them over the Skype lines. So I advertised online for some experimental lab-rats and within 24 hours, I had my first students - one from Switzerland, one from Italy and another from Brazil. Payments can be made by EU bank transfer or Paypal, payable before the lesson starts. Any worksheets necessary for the lesson can be scanned into an Adobe PDF file and emailed to the student, who can then print it out at their end.

If you're looking presentable and you both have webcams, you can also switch on the cams and turn the lesson into a live video-conferencing lesson. If the student doesn't understand a word or would like you to write out a phrase for them, you can use Skype's chat function to type it out for them.

So far, things have been a success and I have interest from other people in other countries. I would say the only negative aspect to it is that in many countries, people can't afford to pay too much as their standard of living is lower and their salary is lower. Plus if they pay by Paypal, you have to take those fees into account. My normal fee is 20 Euros a hour (app. $25) but in many cases, I have had to take a pay-cut in order to get some extra work and to also test this online experiment.

I also like the Skype teaching idea because I don't have to travel anywhere to meet the student. So this saves me travelling expenses and travelling time. I can just sit in front of the computer, do one Skype lesson, hang up after 45 minutes, then the next student calls, then the next one......I don't even have to move at all!

I do have a problem which perhaps someone could help me out with. I am going to scan some flashcards into a Powerpoint presentation and I am looking for a way to share that presentation online with the student in real-time. So when we are both on Skype and the lesson starts, I would open the Powerpoint presentation and it opens at the same time at the student's end. They see what I see. Anyone have any idea how I could go about that?

Oh and if anyone wants English lessons over Skype, please let me know! We can begin negotiating!

One of the websites I monitor by RSS every day is "Giveaway Of The Day" where you can get for free a piece of computer software which you normally have to pay for. But you have to download it, install it and enter the licence key number within the 24 hour time period, otherwise it reverts back to being a paid program. But if you jump through the hoops before the time is up, the software is yours for free forever.

But recently most of what GOTD offered to their visitors has been screensavers and screensavers suck. But a few months back, I got something free from GOTD which is truly wonderful and should have pride of place on any computer (in fact, EVERY computer should have this program by default). It has made my life easier, it has made my blogging easier and with lots of plug-ins, it is an absolute dream to use. It's called SnagIt (and not ShagIt as I saw someone call it in their blog one time!).

SnagIt is basically screen capturing software. Now I can hear everyone saying "ah but we have the screen print button on the keyboard for that!". Well let me be the first to say that the screen print button sucks big time compared to SnagIt. Using SnagIt, you can either make an image file of part of the screen (such as an error message) or the whole webpage. You can then use SnagIt to instantly drop that image into an email message, Word document, Excel document, Powerpoint presentation, or even a Skype chat window (using the great plug-ins available). This is especially useful if you are discussing something which you can see on your computer screen and the other person needs to see what you see. Just snap a quick picture and email it to them within minutes. You can also make crystal-clear copies of embedded images from documents such as a Word file or an Adobe PDF file.

What I also especially like is the Firefox extension which allows you to run the program from your Firefox browser toolbar. Just a couple of clicks with the extension and the photo is taken. Easy. Even a little kid could do it.

SnagIt is also great for bloggers because it makes clear beautiful screenshots. All of the webpage pictures on this page were made by SnagIt and making each picture only takes less than a minute.

The Giveaway Of The Day free offer is long finished so anyone wanting SnagIt now has to pay for it. But I would say that this is a program that I would have been more than willing to pay for. I don't normally say that but SnagIt has the "WOW!" factor that mostly eludes me. I have never had any problems with SnagIt and I don't anticipate any in the future. Plus all future upgrades are easy to install.

In fact this program is so great that Microsoft should buy them and have the SnagIt software pre-installed on every new computer along with the Windows operating system. Who needs a crappy little screen print button if you can have SnagIt instead?

The British Sunday Times is reporting that paedophiles are taking advantage of a "loophole" in Skype's technology to prey on under-age children.

The loophole is that there is no way to monitor what goes on between two Skype users because Skype uses "peer-to-peer" technology (p2p). This means that the two users are connected to one another via an encrypted link and there is no way for a third-party to monitor what goes on between the two users. This is in direct contrast to say Yahoo chatrooms which are monitored by volunteers and who are able to bar / report users who leave legally questionable messages. There's simply no way to monitor Skype calls and chats and so as far as the paedophile is concerned, "anything goes". Their user details are secure and so are their chats to underage children.

This is of course a very serious matter but it's just like spam mail and sex websites. For every ten you stop, another hundred pop up. You simply can't stop it from happening. There's no quick fix or magical solution. This is just unfortunately one of the darker seedier sides of the internet.

I thought I would show my new Skype avatar picture which I had made the other week. The avatar is nearly identical to the avatars which Yahoo offers their users of Yahoo Mail and Yahoo Messenger so it makes me wonder who's stealing from whom.

Skype is one of my favourite web applications and it would probably be my number one favourite if they would only get the sound quality and the time delay fixed. I might buy a new headset tomorrow and see if that helps with the sound quality. But saying that, the headset I have at the moment is alleged to be "Skype approved" so I'm not sure what else I can get that will be any better. I really want a proper Skype phone but that's 74 Euros and I can't justify the cost at the moment.

Anyway, I discovered that an avatar was only 1 Euro off my Skype credit so I thought what the hell. I also really like how you can skin your Skype application so along with the avatar, I also put a rather fetching beige patch pattern wallpaper on (I was torn between that and a black-and-white zebra pattern). Being of a literary bent, I also included a quote from Shakespeare which I will change every so often.

It's nice to be able to modify programs to brighten up your PC desktop.